engagement ring

Advanced Member Age : 35 Joined : 05 May 2008 Posts : 334

Dear Fancy
I'm a 34-year-old recently divorced woman. I was married for five years, though we were together for eight. My brother is about to propose to his girlfriend and asked if he could buy my old engagement ring. He already has his eye on a similar one in a jewelry store and is willing to spend the money. He doesn't want to tell his girlfriend where the ring came from if I consent. I think this is crazy and that women care about the ring's origins. I also feel insulted that he would even ask. Am I being oversensitive? What would you do?

Ringed Out

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Dear Ringed Out,
Perhaps you are being overly sensitive. Your brother had no way of knowing he would upset you by asking to buy the ring. And women feel differently about this issue. Some have such terrible memories associated with the marriage that they can't stand to look at the ring, others need or would prefer to have the money, so they sell it, still others regard it simply as jewelry. Because many women are thrilled to be given a family heirloom as an engagement ring, your brother may not be correct that your future SIL should not know its origins—though, granted, a ring from a divorce situation is not quite Grandma's treasure. If you don't want to part with it, fine, but your brother's request should not be construed as an insult. I am sure he was not trying to upset anyone.
Fancy
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Advanced Member Joined : 06 May 2008 Posts : 906

If the ring has sentimental value. Keep it. If the ring is torturing you, sell it. You're not being over sensitive. This was a core part of who you were for a while. You were a wife. This ring symbolizes that. However, we don't need to keep things that only cause us pain. Also, you're brother was not trying to be insensitive. He's a man and they think differently than we do. Give him a break. As for not telling the SIL. Um no. She should be told. Every woman wants to know if her ring comes from someone. I'd be pissed off it ten years down the line my husband told me my engagement ring was from his mother. lol So, decide what you want to do. If you decide to sell it, tell your brother he must tell his bride. Good luck.